It's Been Awhile

I haven't had time to blog here with school, work, and producing/directing a play.  That's right, I'm producing and directing a play.  You will all need to come and see The Lion In Winter this July!

You can find out all of the production info by following The Zazen Production Log at www.zazenproductions.com.www.zazenproductions.com.

Talk to here soon enough my friends.

dreams that have no meaning/the tale of old greybeard

A few nights ago, I dreamed about my ex-girlfriend.  I don't remember what the dream was about or the context in which she made her walk-on.  I remember that the moment she entered my dream, there was an immediate feeling of loss and desire.  Then, something shifted.  I realized that my dream-brain had gotten her image wrong.  It wasn't her.  My subconscious could only form a representation and not an actual likeness. Of course, I consciously remember her appearance, but my subconscious had no clue as to what she looks like.  I laughed myself awake. 

The moment my eyes opened, I found the beautiful woman next to me pulling me closer into her sleeping arms.  She was in no way awake, but her subconscious was finding comfort in my form.  I knew comfort myself at that exact moment.

I don't know why my sleeping brain had decided to produce those feelings in my dream, but I doubt that I will ever dream of her again.  I have new dreams to look forward to.


--

The longer and bushier my beard gets, the more of a character it becomes on its own.  There are several reasons to no longer keep my face in check.  Least of all, I want to see how long I can go at work before one of my bosses calls me out and tells me to trim it.  Next, I've just never let my beard go rogue before.  I kind of just want to see what it might look like.  Also, the girl I'm currently dating (I haven't officially called her my girlfriend yet) loves the beard.  Why shave it when she nuzzles more and more the longer it gets?  Mostly though, I call it my film school beard.  All of the greats have had one: Jackson, Kubrick, Spielberg.  Will having a beard make me a better filmmaker?  Certainly not, but it makes me look more the part, and what could that hurt?

However, the longer it gets, the more I notice the gray in it.  This is probably the number one reason it is staying and at length.  As a guy that likes to smoke pipe tobacco and drink scotch, I feel like it makes me distinguished.  The corners of my mandible go whiter every day.  I kind of like it.

open borders

There's another toothbrush on my sink ledge.  It's the scout of a new country looking to invade the borders of my life.  I am usually taken over, annexed willingly, in a soft surrender.  Will I put up a good fight this time? For now, I will play the diplomat.

We both have our national secrets, but who doesn't?

-- -- --

You'd think that this would be a distraction, but it is an inspiration.  A photo shoot of those large eyes in wild flowers is in order.

The fortuneteller told her to marry the brown haired man in the movie business.



‎"Truth is, everybody is going to hurt you; you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for."-Bob Marley  

no old man snoring

I found myself ready for a little drizzle in my life; a little cleansing wetness.  I didn't know there would be this kind of downpour.  Which exciting storm do I chase?

Should I take to the road and follow the tempest that will whip and whirl with a frenzy, but merely die out quickly?  Or, should I follow the hearty cloudburst; the type of storm that feeds and nurtures the earth?

One will leave me on the road and still looking for that lustrate rain.  The other might just end with the comfort of a warm hearth into the long black night. 

For now, I will fix on the former.  There will always be more rain.  There will always be a chance for the comforting fire as well.

I have old sayings and childrens' rhymes dancing in my head. 

Always remember to wear a raincoat when chasing storms.

quiet seat by a window

The museum was free today and open until 9PM.  I feel like visual art charges my creative battery.  I walked the courtyard and remembered a time when I rehearsed a show on this property.  That play was huge for me.  It was the height before a creative downfall would knock me flat for years.  My marriage started to deteriorate right before I signed the insurance rider and rented the rehearsal space.  Today would have been my tenth wedding anniversary.  I haven't thought about today as anything special for years now.  It's actually because I was celebrating my "Un-niversary" this time four years ago that I met someone else that was very special in my life.  I made my way to the second floor and found a tucked away bench in the windowed crust of the building.  I watched the two stick figures perpetually walk down McDowell.  One of them gets ahead and the other scrambles to catch up.  Always.  Ultimately, they always find a mutual stride.  They find their pace.  This little corner of windowed crust is where I can see the city; but the city, it can't see me.  This quiet seat by a window has good memories.  Tomorrow holds even greater ones.

doing the thing

I am producing again, and it feels great.  We are shooting a commercial in a week for Two Hippies Beach House in Scottsdale.  We're doing it for free, and it's just a bit in the middle of our web-series, but it feels good to be making the calls and getting the ball rolling.  We are doing a photo shoot for our poster on Monday, and we do our first promotional spot on Thursday.  Kicksterter.com page should be launched before the weekend is over, as will the script be finished by then.  Hopefully, we can get some sponsorship after that!  The second episode will be filmed before the month is over.  It looks like it's gonna be funny!

Get ready for nine to ten episodes of pure hilarity.

Then, we'll move on to a different concept.

Outliers

success takes approximately 10,000 hours.

obviously, sacrifice is needed.

what are you willing to sacrifice for success?

present finances, future love?

what is my passion worth?

everything.